Winter Frickin' Service Review and attack of the humper!

Well... it took me a grand 2.5 hours to get home tonight. If it wasnt for the fact it has already snowed once this year and you thought people may have learned from it then I wouldnt have been as surprised!

I tell you, the worst part about all of this is that I work for the company that was involved in the "Winter Service Review" research document funded by the Department for Transport. In fact I sit opposite the bloke who coordinated the damn thing - I intend to cause him slow death by winter service review tomorrow... paper cut, paper cut... slash slash slash! If he so much as utters the word "people need to adapt" I shall kick him back up to snowy Scotland.

The day started ok... slowly bimbled up to the tram stop in the morning careful not to slip on the ice all the way down the road! My purse was raped by Sproglet on the way there who was in desperate need for cash after spending all her money on an ass bearing dress at the Christmas Market in town. After this however I dont remember much... the trauma of this afternoons journey has literally wiped all memory from my mind. There is, however, one thing that I remember from this morning, I remember the stupid as* that decided to stop and bend over in front of me at London Bridge station who was promptly... yet accidentally (!!!!) dry humped by me. I didnt mean to do it but he stopped right in front of me! I ran away very quickly afterward. I hope he remembers it fondly. It's almost as bad as when I sat on a woman's lap at East Croydon thinking it was my friend... it wasnt... she thought I was crazy. Well, I dont blame her really! *cringe*

The snow started falling gently at 3pm... to oooohs and awwws at the office, by 4pm we were all getting the hell outta there with a blizzard coming in. Got to London Bridge station where I had a row with an angry lady who I had "fallen accidentally into"... look lady, I'm getting off this damn train and if you must insist on standing in the middle of the doors then you are risking your life! Don't hate on me because I'm not too chicken to tell you to feck the hell off! So... now at London Bridge; chatting with Kerry as we emerge onto the main concourse and we both go "oh sh*t" when we see how many people are there. Must have been 200 people standing at the noticeboards and another 100 over the other side. No trains showing. What? We spot a Hayes train and take a chance on it. End up on platform 4. 2 trains go past and all of a sudden this announcement goes out...

"ladies and gentleman, this station has now been closed, the only platform with running trains is platform 4, if you are within the station please make your way to platform 4"

OH NO!!! Hayes train pulls in, huuuuge lady gets off to let other people off and a tidal wave of people try to get on, I am at the front of said tidal wave and am literally forced onto the train and thrown against a wall of people. Glasses immediately steam up... I'M BLIND! Crazy ladys outside trying to wangle their way on the train by shouting they're pregnant... I feel their pain, this is a 6 coach train instead of 10 (bad idea south eastern trains). By this point I am starting to resemble a sardine, a sweaty fogged up sardine who is trying to keep her hands down but by doing so is concious she has her hands againt people's backsides. I was one of those people who doesnt need to hold on because i'm simply wedged in! Bloke by the door is shouting his head off about his kid needing space and stop getting on the train, starts physically pushing people back off...ass munch. Perhaps if you stopped shouting then he would stop crying??

Anyway... train deposited me nicely at Elmers End where there was a tram waiting to drop me home. Bliss.

Now gotta look forward to the morning!

img cred http://www.ukroadsliaisongroup.org/liaison/winter.htm

Thank you to all the people who have annoyed me today...

Thank you weather lady for telling me it would piss it down when I had only just finished straightening my hair, you really made me feel great about leaving the house this morning, thank you...

Thank you train enemy for once again standing in front of me at the last minute and getting a seat before me, thank you for being so scrawny and white that I would feel bad flicking you out of my way, thank you...

Thank you silly woman who decided to walk down the wet stairs while the bus was still moving and screaming all the way as you flew to the bottom and landed in a heap, you made me late for work, thank you...

Thank you member of IHT (who will not be named) who continues to pester and claim importance and name-drop in efforts to better his seat at the IHT Annual Luncheon... you are a toad and of no importance to me, thank you...

... and thank you in advance to all those people who have yet to annoy me today, you will step in front of me, stop in front of me, shove me, cough on me and talk too loudly on your mobile.

N.B to self... get out of London!

Nationwide Idiot Society

Why are some people so dim... I really dont understand, and I don't mean not smart, I mean no common sense, just plain idiocy!

I went into the bank today on a mission to get my international transfer number for my bank account, and pay in a cheque from Envirophone *wink wink*. I stand waiting for the lady to finish her phone call, she's one of these women that even though she's thinking "you bitch" inside she smiles sweetly with venom in her eyes! As I cautiously approach the desk and ask for what I am after the following conversation ensues:

"can I have you account number please"
"sure its 3*******"
"I cant just give the details out"
"pardon me?"
"I said I cant just give the details out, how come you know your account number by heart?"
"what... you asked me for my account number, I gave it to you, what's the problem"
"I need to see your card with your account number on it"
"that's fine, but it's not what you said initially is it?"
"just give me the card"
*tosses the card across the counter*
*bank lady angrily scribbles the number I need on piece of paper*
"thanks, but perhaps you could make it clear which are I's and which are 1's... so I make sure I get it right"
*scribbles even more on the paper*
"is there anything else I can get for you madam"

I watch as the spittle flys from her mouth dangerously close to smearing my piece of paper.

"no, that's fine"

How I got out of there without fire axe in my back I will never know!

But it started off so well!

Welcome to Mini Sprog's Blog. Sproglet is my sister you see, and I have laughed so much I cried reading her blog and would like to try my own brand... here it goes!

Today was a good day at work... and believe you me that those are few and far between at the moment! I think perhaps the only downer was that I kept thinking it was Friday today and I had the weekend to look forward to, a weekend of no set plans that I could relax and enjoy...but no, it's only Thursday gawd-dammit.

So anyway... good day. Had got most of my work done for the day and was looking forward to a night in chilling, until I remembered I had to trek to Holborn to pick up some clippers for John (my boyf). Having been at his house on Tuesday his broken clippers were waved frantically in my face with a distraught expression to boot. "Yeeeeees?" I said *more frantic waving* "what do I do, they're broken?", well you see there are two options, you get a part or you buy a new one. Hence me trekking to Holborn to get him the new option. But... and here is the eureka moment! I decided to be lazy and check the website (argos that is) to see if they had miraculously had a delivery at my local store... and OH YEAH! OH YEAH OH YEAH! 3 in stock, one of them is mine baby! So you see... my day just got even better.

Off I trot with a spring in my step, occassionally stopping to grind a lampost to the tune of "3" by Britney Spears to Argooooos in search of clippers. Having zig-zagged through the maze of Chuggers ranting phrases like "no thank you" "must go" "meeting somebody" "DONT FRICKIN TOUCH ME" I make it into the safe haven of artificial christmas trees and cheap toys that is Argos at Christmas-time.

I know what I want... I reserv-id-id it, I even have a number and everything! But I go to the catalogue anyway for some light reading and to see if there is anything else I can pick up whilst I am there. Having flicked through I now have a ticket with my reservation number and 3 other items on it... on the way I had been pondering how I would pay the cashier with my reservation number, could they tap it in and find it or did I have to use one of the auto machines? But now I have the ticket... and it has a little box at the top for reservation numbers, once again, things are coming together.

.... then it all went downhill

... firstly a lady races me to the back of the queue, well I was walking and she skipped in front of me, rude! Then I am left to sweat in the queue looking at all the impulse purchase buys that my god-daughters would love screaming silently to myself "you've finished their present, don't do it". Thankfully I can now escape to the till, I smile sweetly at Grace (yeah I checked the badge) and proudly hand over my neatly filled out ticket, my smile fades when I realise she is starring at me like I have a booger hanging out my nose. Oh yes, I am wearing my red glasses today, why oh why do people look at me funny in my red glasses. Now the weird part begins:

*tap tap tap*
"You've ordered the Dunlop bag"
"Yep"
"Colour may vary from that shown in the catalogue"
"ok"

*tap tap tap*
"You've ordered the Handy Manny Radio/TV kit"
"Yea"
"not sure which one you will get"
"Herm... alright"

*tap tap tap*
"You've ordered the clipper set"
"Yes"
"The items in the box may differ from that in the catalogue"
"what?"
"the items in the box..."
"yes i heard you, but what is the point"
"i dont know"
"can i refund it if it's not what i want"
"yea"
"fine then"

I am thinking to myself... is there any point in having the catalogue, if I am risking a lottery of any item turning up mascarading as something I have ordered then why should I even bother to look??

5 minutes later I am sitting on my cruddy chair waiting for my number to called. I am one of those people, those highly unlucky people, whose numbers are always called about 10 minutes before any of my items come out... so I take my time. My number comes up... I pretend I didnt hear it, it's only when the lady starts frantically waving my bag around that I approach the pick-up point and thrust my receipt across the desk.

Inevitably there are only two items of the 4 I ordered out, but wait... there's another one... falling slowly to the floor after someone smacked it with a 17kg exercise bike. Argos lady picks up said fallen toy and puts it infront of me;

"this is yours"
"no it's not"
"you ordered it"
"I ordered a new one" *points out crappy tape job and crushed corners"
"hmmm"

I am then ignored for 30 minutes while she serves up to number 62 (I am 31) before I snap and say in a very British manner "excuse me"... yes that is me snapping! Do you think perhaps you could complete my order NOOOOOOWWWWW.

But I am home now... safe in my room surrounded by my purchases, all of which are in relatively good condition considering the Argos lady tried her best to break everything whilst putting it in my hideously coloured carrier bag.

I have many other ideas floating in my tiny pea brain for blogs, but I shall save those for later!